Let's Hope For A Better 2026

 Happy New Year!

(An origami project completed in 2025.)

Left

That's me in red with my two brothers. This photo was taken in our backyard, sometime in the mid-1970s. 

My younger brother Scotty died in February 2006. My older brother Rudy died exactly one year ago. 

I'm the only one left. 

I don't usually remember the dates when people die--I had to look up when my younger brother died--but with my older brother I don't think I'll ever forget. It will always be three days after Christmas. 

Dave and I took Rudy's truck out for a drive.  We went through the neighborhood where I grew up, past the house where we grew up and my grandmother's old house--strangers live in these places now-- and past the elementary school my brothers and I attended (which is now a construction site, the old school having been knocked down). 

We went by the burrito place where Dave and Rudy often stopped after their Saturday grocery runs. The place closed a few minutes before we got there though so we didn't get our burritos. 

We came home after. 

It was an unsettling day. 

Merry Christmas

We have had a quiet Christmas at home. 

Christmas eve we went out driving to look at lights and luminarias with my mom.  Not many people put themselves out decorating this year, so the pickings were slim. We did see a few good houses and we listened to some Christmas music and chatted.  We also exchanged cards and presents. 

After we dropped my mom off, we came home and had a dinner of cheese and bread, homemade sourdough. Dave's coworkers had sent a sympathy box full of soup and rolls and cookies, so we had some of that as well. Gray Kitty and I shared a can of albacore tuna, too. Dave opened a bottle of prosecco, the only wine in the house.  (I don't drink anymore so he had a couple of glasses and put the rest in the fridge. )

We spent Christmas day in our pajamas.  We didn't exchange presents this year but I did buy some candy, chocolate mostly, to put in our stockings. 

Dave spent the day mixing up more dough, some for bread, some for pizza tomorrow. He also made rough puff pastry to make a tart for our dessert. He also made dinner, roast vegetables, gravy, chicken for me and vegetarian sausages for himself.  Seems like he spent the whole day in the kitchen but I think he also got some time to focus on his latest video game too. 

I spent the day making a kusudama ball, watching episodes of The Waltons, and napping. I did make lunch (a vegetarian omelet, beans, tortillas). But that was the extent of my participation in kitchen matters today. I did eat well, though I did eat way too much chocolate. 

Happy Solstice

My neck is a mess right now--has been for about ten days--so I'll make this short and sweet.

It was a beautiful day today, almost 70 degrees out, very early September weather now at the end of December. (This time year before last we had already had snow. I don't think we'll see snow again this year.) How did we mark the winter solstice? We went out on a grocery run and then later to try to take some boxes to the recycling bin (but it turned out to be completely full so we had to bring all our boxes home).  

We put up our tree yesterday, kind of. It has about half the lights and half the ornaments it had last year, but after the last couple of weeks--the last year, really--I'm fine with it. Christmas is going to be a mess for a few years, probably, a reminder of grief and grieving rather than a celebration of whatever it is that we're supposed to be celebrating at Christmas. 

So the tree went up and I finally took down the Day of the Dead altar on the mantelpiece. We did not put up outdoor lights this year and luminarias are unlikely, though maybe we'll round up a few. We have a ton of tealights from IKEA and brown paper bags from who knows where and we are nothing if not awash in sand here in the desert. We can manage a handful of luminarias on Christmas eve if need be.

It's going to be a busy week around Christmas though. This week we are taking our car in to get the door fixed (the inside handle just gave up and stopped working almost two weeks ago). Gray Kitty has a vet appointment to get the claw that he ripped out looked at. And then there's Christmas, which falls on Thursday this year, preempting therapy, thank god.  And I have yet to make travel arrangements for our trip to Miami. Oh, and I also need to go get my Covid shot. I think I'll do that the day after Christmas. 

We did not do any baking this year and maybe, same as last year, Christmas dinner will be takeout from the mediocre but dependable Chinese take-out place near us. 

I did order some New Years Cards to send out, though only about three people I know send out cards at all. And I ordered some new Christmas ornaments. We've been adding ornaments that remind us of family--a hamster for my older brother, a horse for Dave's mom, a trout for his dad, a canoe for both (Dave read Paddle to the Sea to both his parents, the first time as a child), and I finally just threw in the towel and ordered a set of six glass sugar skull ornaments. I figure those should cover us in the event of an emergency.

I'm exhausted. Tonight we had vegetarian yakiudon for dinner, made with tofu and lots of vegetables.  Doesn't that sound nice? Tomorrow maybe we'll get a pizza.

Once Upon A Time

Me, in front of our fake fireplace. I was around 2 years old. 

 

My older brother with a gift from Santa. He must have been around 8 or 9 here.

I was probably 7 and my brother 10. We were learning the words to Christmas carols.

 

My older brother with Santa.

He has been gone just days shy of a year. I cried as we took out the ornaments to put on our tree Saturday night. It feels like no time has passed. Somehow he is still gone.