Ah. I have this heart that keeps secrets and we try to come to terms with that, The Brain and I, but that is very difficult in this place where secrets are kept.
For example, Ben is leaving in December and his replacement is coming from America. Yesterday, I saw a picture of his replacement and signed a card that will be sent to the man this week. As I signed the card, my boss said, "Please do not tell the part-time teachers that Ben is leaving." I asked, aren't they going to sign the card? She said, "No, just us." I thought, aren't we all welcoming the new guy? But, no, Ben's leaving is a secret with all these terms attached to it. I have to keep this secret apparently.
Ben was also told to keep his leaving a secret. He said, "Is there a reason for that, or is it just that Japan thing?"
There was, to Western Brains, not a reason.
What does that have to do, you might be wondering, with the recent news of my grandmother's death? Well, she too, kept secrets. I come from a long line of secret keepers. I'm sure that she's taken some secrets with her, but others she tried to entrust to the people around her. It takes effort, everyday effort, to resist being a secret keeper, or to at least to understand the nature and cause and the terms inherent in the job.
Ah, this is confusing stuff and it's early and I am sad and its hard to think clearly while I grieving and working and keeping secrets.
Sorry for this cryptic entry. Just know that I've told as much truth as I am able to tell at the moment. And probably much more than I should or need to tell.
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