Let's Kekkon Shiki!

Kyo Ishikawa no kekkon-shiki wa ikimashita.

Today I went to the Ishikawa’s wedding ceremony.

It was well-planned (down to an emcee who kept thing rolling), sophisticated and fun. The bride wore two white Western-style wedding dresses, the groom a brown suit (brown is the elegant color in Japan), and several guests were in kimono. The food was French, the printed wedding party program was in Japanese, English and French, and the wedding cake was a croquembouche Christmas tree. (Sadly, the wedding cake was a bit inappropriate for a wedding, as the tiny, crisp pastries--each about the size of a large marble--broke into several pieces as the guests tried to eat them. Anything that breaks during a wedding party is considered a bad omen for the future of the couple, and in fact, the pastry was declared “unlucky” by the woman sitting next to me.) The entire party was videotaped and there were several “performances” by friends of the happy couple, including two members of our Kaisha staff, one of whom played the guitar and sang, another of whom played the shamisen.

Having arrived early, I was given the lovely job of helping to photograph each of the guests for the bride and groom’s memory book. I say it was a lovely job for several reasons. First, it gave me a way to participate in the wedding and not just to stand and observe. And, too, it gave the guests an opportunity to interact with me, even if it was just via a shy smile. Too, all of the guests know that Aki works for The Kaisha and that she can speak English, but I don’t think that many of them quite realize what this means in terms of her everyday existence. Honto, even in a city the size of Tokyo, many Japanese never come into contact with foreigners, so not only did people get a small taste of what Aki’s life is like, but also I think my participation added an unusual flavor to the wedding.

The party was rather large for a wedding party, with about eighty people in attendance. The seating for the dinner divided the crowd into friends and family of the groom and friends and family of the bride. I sat at a table with other Kaisha friends near Aki. Our table was almost dead center in the room, which was nice because I could see the couple’s many dramatic entrances and exits (there is at least one dress change during the party), and also observe the people in attendance. There were many people there that caught my eye and many things about the people and seating are worth noting.

First, the couple sat at the front of the room--but their parents were seated as far away as possible from them, in the back corners of the room. This is very different from American weddings I think, where the family sits as close as possible to the couple, sometimes even at the same table. Here, the family sat on the room’s periphery, and friends were seated very close to the couple. Second, I had a chance to see--if not to meet--many members of Aki’s family. During the party I got to see (and meet) Aki’s father and mother (who later thanked me for taking care of Aki) and brother. I also got to see her uncle and his family. I mention Aki’s uncle because he does who knows what for a living, but he’s probably in his late fifties and he looks very rich and very mean and I would not want to do the least bit of business with him ever. The funny thing is, I had the pleasure of photographing his wife before the ceremony (I didn’t realize they were married until I saw them seated together) and she was one of the most irrepressibly ebullient women I have encountered in Japan. Talk about your opposites attracting.

And in fact, it’s kind of funny about opposites attracting, because many guests commented on this being the case with Aki and Hiroshi.

Honto, Aki is very tough. She has the kind of character that would allow her to succeed in business anywhere in the world, I think. She is not the least bit of a pushover in a country that rewards the doormat vibe in women. And though Hiroshi is also very successful at his work, he is much more emotional than Aki is. In fact, there is a traditional part to the wedding party when the bride and groom present their parents with gifts and make small speeches thanking their parents. Though Aki gave a short thanks to her parents. Hiroshi gave a longer, heartfelt speech. As he spoke, I felt the crowd’s emotion shift from one of great happiness to one of great sadness. It was almost like someone had tipped the whole room on it’s side. Hiroshi choked up, then began crying. Many guests followed suit and one woman sobbed openly. Aki, who had looked nervous (and whose face registers as very stern when she is nervous) remained resolutely stone-faced. Because I don’t understand enough Japanese to really understand what Hiroshi was saying, I thought that he was explaining why his mother wasn’t in attendance. (In fact, his parents were represented by a single man, whom I had assumed was his father, but who it was explained later was another relative. His parents could not attend the wedding because his mother is ill, hospital bound, and his father had stayed with her.) Later, someone commented on how it was a reversal of the traditional emotional balance within a couple, with a very strong female and a very emotional male.

After the speeches, we made our way out, filing past the family and newly married couple. “I’ll go after you,” I said to Kazuko, “so I can watch what you do.” She laughed and said, “Just bow a lot. Keep bowing and bowing.” This I did, and so from this part of the proceedings I have more memories of the tops of my shoes than I do of the family.

The reception was held at the Park Hotel’s very formal banquet room, but the nijikai (second party) was at a less formal jazz bar (“Bar the fifteen’s”) downstairs. I had assumed that the nijikai would be less formal, but as I queued with the others to pay my 6000 yen for the party, I realized that it was not going to be just another party. In fact, as I paid, my picture was taken and I was handed a card with nine blank spaces and a page of blank sticky tags and asked to write my name on each tag. I did, writing my name in kata-kana, so that it would be readable (though it just occurred to me that everyone knows how to read English, really). I carried my tag and name to the bar where I checked my coat and bag and sat at a table with the usual suspects, The Kaisha family that I cling to in any social situation I attend with them. Luckily, I had soon to alter this arrangement, as I was instructed to take my name badges and blank card and introduce myself to nine strangers. Uhh...Quick: What’s the Japanese for “Nice to meet you!” again?

I enjoy these kinds of interactions, so I stood up and made my way through the crowd, quickly collecting more than the nine names I had been instructed to collect. One young man spoke English and, just as I had obligingly written my name in kata-kana, he had just as obligingly written his name in English! “Call me Leo,” he said. “Okay! Hi, Leo! Dozo yoroshiku gosaimas!”

During the party, many games were played. Luckily, one of The Kaisha’s former teachers had arrived for the nijikai. Having spent five years in Japan, he is fluent in Japanese, and he translated the games and speeches for me. “Let me know if my translations get annoying,” he said. “No!” I quickly answered. “I’m really glad to have you do it. Let me know if you get sick of translating.” (This was us being very Japanese to one another, I think.) The teacher even participated--in Japanese--in one of the games in which four men were lined up with the groom behind the blindfolded bride. Designed to test the bride’s ability to recognize the groom, the men were asked several questions and they had to answer--after sucking down a lungful of voice-altering helium. After several rounds of questions, the blindfolded bride had to pick her groom. Luckily, Aki correctly identified the man she had just married. As a prize, they were given a large nameplate that spelled out their new shared name.

At then end of two hours, we closed the party and split up, heading to karaoke, ramen, and the station. I came home with a party favor and a small bouquet of yellow lilies. My present was a mug and chopsticks, though everyone else received a beautifully wrapped box of dried fish. I put the flowers on my altar and sat down to write about the wedding.