You Must Remember This

Today was a kind of a slow day, the kind of day that I never, when I first moved to Tokyo, thought I’d have. Today was the kind of day that, if you were to ask me what I did, I’d say, “Not much. You?”

Here is what I did today:

I answered a few e-mails, surfed the ‘net, took a shower and went to the gym. Inspired by a flickr online project, I took a picture of the contents of my bag. I did some laundry, had liver and onions for dinner, wrote a bit.

Ah, my life is becoming less dreamlike progressively. At least, it seems as though my life were becoming less dreamlike, and when I feel that way, I have to remember that it is still a dream.

Honto, I have to remember that I turned down an invitation to go drinking in Akihabara, that I didn’t have a single conversation in English today though I spoke to four or five people, that I navigated the supermarket without being able to read 95% of the packages or labels. I have to remember that I have a refrigerator stuffed with miso, negi, mikan, kabocha, natto, and umeboshi. I have to remember the first Kit-Kat I’ve had in weeks was the new special edition “sakura” Kit-Kat, a cherry blossom-flavored Kit-Kat. I have to remember that artificial sweetener has to be carefully rationed until I receive my next care package from home.
Honto, I have to remember that the contents of my bag (a bag I bought at the Gap in Ueno) included several thousand yen, my gaijin cards, my Konami Sports club membership card, and the many train passes I use to navigate Tokyo.

Honto, I have to remember that the walk to the gym takes me through the wilds of Tokyo, and that I’ve learned how to navigate some of this big, wild city. I have to remember that this is one of the biggest cities in the world and that I can carry tens of thousands of yen on me without worry. I have to remember that I used to drive to the gym but that I haven’t driven a car in over seven months, that I haven’t needed to drive a car, that I haven’t even missed driving a car because the trains are so convenient. I have to remember that in the last dream, you wouldn’t dare go barefoot in the locker room, but that here, you don’t dare go into the locker room with shoes on.

Honto, I have to remember that I’ve been dating a navigator, a young man trained in navigating difficult straits, and that I may be the most difficult strait he’s navigated yet. I have to remember this when things get difficult. I have to remember all the things I know about navigation, which is very little, and I have to remember then that perhaps the Universe’s gift of the time with a navigator means that I, too, need to acquire the skills of a navigator--or build my crew so that I have access to the skills of a navigator.

I have to remember all of these things or else I start to lose the thread that is the dream that is my waking life. I start to feel as though I am losing the ability to interpret the dream that is my waking life. I start to lose my edge.