Last Day Confession

I haven't written about Kaori's last full day in New Mexico--mostly because I've been in recovery mode from her visit. It was really a long haul for me, but I'm glad she had the experience of coming here.

On her last full day, we decided to leave Taos early and go to El Santuario de Chimayo and Santa Fe before heading back to Albuquerque.

Kaori was very moved by Chimayo. (I am less so, though I recognize the sentiment--which I guess is an odd statement to make.) As in Taos, at the San Francisco de Asis church, we happened to run across the priest at Chimayo. He was an old, tiny, bald, hunched bit of a complainer originally from Barcelona, but friendly enough. He greeted me and asked me where I was from and seemed disappointed when I answered, "Albuquerque." He was a bit more interested when I told him that Kaori was from Japan (though I had to say it twice in English and once in Spanish before he understood).

I tried to explain a little bit about Chimayo to Kaori; that it is actually a shrine where people go to pray for good health for themselves or others, that it is an important pilgrimage site for some Catholics. I tried to explain the importance of the images of Christ as bloodied and suffering. But how do you explain that stuff really? Either you get it or you don't, I think. Anyway, she was moved.

In the tiny side room, she looked at all the artwork, all the saints and crutches and photos of babies and soldiers. Then in the even tinier side room, she filled a glass votive candle holder with dirt from the holy pit (or whatever it's called) and then we browsed the gift shop where she bought a small bracelet made of wooden beads decorated with saints.

And that was our visit to Chimayo.

An hour later, we were in Santa Fe looking for a parking space. When I asked at one of the lots what the price was for parking and was told that it was three dollars an hour or fifteen dollars for the day. I was, like, seriously? Ripoff. We found a meter just off the plaza and paid a dollar an hour for four hours.

And what did we do for four hours? We shopped. We saw the cathedral. We saw Loretto Chapel's "Miracle Staircase." We had lunch in the bakery off the plaza (which I enjoyed, but which Kaori was less impressed with as the ditzy but cute counter help completely forgot about her toasted bagel). Then we shopped some more.

Here we are in Santa Fe.
Here is the photo I took outside the cathedral.

After Santa Fe, we decided to head back to Albuquerque to have a coffee at the panaderia and, later, to stop by Judi's to meet Crash and, even later, to have dinner with Kevin, Kelly, and Dave in Old Town and see the Virgin of Guadalupe in the tree behind the church.

Writing this, I keep derailing myself from the kind of negativity that I felt during Kaori's trip. Turns out that she, too, was a bit of complainer: The candy we bought in Taos was too sweet. The coffee at the bakery in Santa Fe was too strong. The beds in Taos were too soft. It was seriously sometimes like traveling with the Japanese Goldilocks (who, after breaking and entering, has the audacity to declare the porrige too thin or the beds too hard) or with the Princess from The Princess and the Pea whose ass was so sensitive that even a pile of matresses couldn't dampen the discomfort she felt from the pea. At times, she exhibited those kinds of fussy, old-lady-ish habits that drove me crazy in Japan, sometimes it manifested as a kind of relentless tidiness that borders on obsessive, sometimes it was when she was lifting packets of Sweet'n'Low from a coffee shop to carry in her handbag.

I just tried to remind myself that she was way, way out of her comfort zone, that she was being far braver than I was being on any given day. I tried to remind myself that I had a responsibility to pay back to her some of the kindnesses that other Japanese had shown me during my time in Tokyo. But it was still a row. I still had to hoe it.

At dinner on our last night, I was relieved and I felt guilty for feeling relieved that she was leaving the next day. I was done babysitting. I was done hand-holding. I was worried about Groucho and felt bad that Dave had to, alone, shoulder the responsibility for Groucho's care in my absence.

But it was fine in the end, I think. I don't think I showed too much exasperation or relief when we parted ways at the airport. She cried. I didn't. Later, I drove around in the rental car, the radio turned up, happy for freedom.

And, two days later, she wrote to me:

Dear Brenda,

I came home safe and on schedule.

I had a great time.
I really enjoyed this trip with you, David, Kelly and Kevin.

Please say "hola and gracias" to everyone for me.

I have a happy English dream every night from I came back home.

I really feel like going to study abroad.
I'd love to live in overseas.
I really want to change me.
I've never felt like this before.
But I can't tell Kenji about this feelings.
Kenji is very important for me, but my life is very important,too.

I was really happy to spend a week in Albuquerque.

Thank you so much for your kindness and everything.

Your friend,
Kaori