The World's Ugliest Woman

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Originally uploaded by Tokyorosa

That is the world's crappiest cell phone photo of my gym. When I took this photo, I was standing upstairs, looking down on the treadmills and reclining stationary bikes. I was actually trying to get a photo of Gay Spiderman but he ran away.

Yeah, I've been writing a lot about the gym recently. That's because, aside from the casita, I spend most of my time at the gym.

Luckily, there are some intriguing people at my gym. I'm not just talking about Gay Spiderman and Gym Boyfriend either. In fact, The World's Ugliest Woman also works out at my gym. When I first saw The World's Ugliest Woman's skinny, ugly ass sweating away on one of the elliptical trainers, I was, like, Oh! That's got to be the world's ugliest woman. Thank God I'm not that ugly! Then I felt really bad for judging her and then I thought, she's probably looking at me and thinking, Thank God I'm not that fat!

Later I told my fabulous workout partner Kelly that I had seen The World's Ugliest Woman at the gym and her immediate and perfect response was, "Are you sure it wasn't a man?"

The more I thought about that response, the more I loved it. I loved it because in the end it seems so sensible to see men as nothing more than ugly women. In a close-to-perfect world that's what men really would be: Manly--and therefore ugly--women. (I say close-to-perfect because in my version of a truly perfect world, men would be manly--and therefore ugly--women with penises. But somehow I doubt that that would be Kelly's definition of a perfect world.)

(In fact, Kelly's response wasn't so out of left field because there are a few transgendered people at the gym, which is just another reason for adoring my gym, I think.)

Oh, and I should say that The World's Ugliest Woman? Well, she isn't just ugly on the outside. The Ugly goes all the way down. It's like she took a bite off The Ugly Stick and chewed it up and swallowed it down. How do I know? She was rude to me in the locker room one day, nearly running into me in a move that was clearly her fault and then rudely grunting at me.

Ugh.