Talking to Myself

Hi, Rosa.

Hey, what's up?

Not much. What's that?

That's a crappy cell phone photo that I took in the locker room at the gym. There's always a flower arrangement in the locker room and I always want to take a photo of it and today I did. I usually don't because I think I might offend someone when I whip out a camera in the locker room, but today there wasn't anyone in the locker room. Just me and the flowers, so I took that picture.

So that's you in the picture?

Yeah, that's me after my workout. I look all serious, no? Or like I'm mad. I think my face does that as its default. Oh, well.

Was your Gym Boyfriend at the gym today?

No, I didn't see him. I didn't see Gay Spiderman either. Blueberry Steroid Boy was there. I never expect to see him during blueberry season, but there he was. Oh, and there was this woman working out in flip flops. I don't understand that, do you?

No. I don't get it either. Maybe it's more comfortable?

Maybe.

Oh, hey, I finally figured out who my Gym Boyfriend looks like.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Like this guy:


Who's that?

That's Eric Bana. I saw a picture of him on some website recently. I guess he's in the new Star Trek movie and he's been in some other stuff, mostly TV. I'd never seen him before, but when I saw him, I was, like, whoa, add a little scruffiness and--seriously--more muscular shoulders, and he's a dead ringer for my Gym Boyfriend.

He's pretty hot.

I know, right? Getting to see that guy is my reward for going to the gym. Except for today. Today he wasn't there. Today virtue had to be its own reward, which sucks.

Pretty much. So, anyway, what workout did you do?

I did some cardio. And I did the upper body part of my split routine. I only did two sets of bicep curls, though. I should do three sets, but I hate to work my biceps, so I only did two.

What did you do after you went to the gym?

After the gym, Dave and I went to Cost Plus so he could buy some sparkling wine for his drinking club thing at the studio. He ended up with a cava, I think.

What's a cava?

It's a sparkling wine from Spain. It's like champagne, but you aren't allowed to call it champagne because it's not from the Champagne region in France.

Trivia!

Right. So what else did you get?

Uh, we got a bag of popcorn and some chocolate--those chocolate-covered espresso candies and a milk chocolate bar--and a sisal doormat that doesn't fit under the door. So, big fail on the doormat. Kind of. After that, we went to lunch.

Where'd you go?

We went to the bakery. Lucas was there, manning the counter. Lucas is a big, goofy, friendly, cute twenty year old. He's always got some story about drinking beer or drinking vodka or drinking something alcoholic. Even so, I like him. How often do you get to chat with twenty-year-old boys? Not often enough, I'm guessing.

What'd you get at the bakery?

I got a six-inch pastrami and provolone sandwich with everything on it. Dave got an "Avocado Wonder" sandwich (that's what it's called, "Avocado Wonder") on marble rye with everything on it. We each got a tostada, which is like a palmier but with a lot of cinnamon added. And we got a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread to use to make French toast.

Mmmmm...French toast.

I know, right? We had French toast for dinner a couple of nights ago. We made it with challah we got at the Co-op and we had some vegetarian sausage and a lot of maple syrup with it. It was really good. I'm on a French toast kick right now, which basically amounts to one giant carb-loading week.

Hence, the gym.

Well, hence my giant ass. Or something.

So what else is on the agenda for today?

Well, it's already, like, 4:45 in the afternoon. Dave's gone to the studio and I'm sitting her surfing the internet. I have to feed Lewie pretty soon and I also have to make some sugar water to fill up the hummingbird feeders. They're not completely empty, but they're getting close. Those hummingbirds eat a lot. Oh, and this morning while I was watering the plants outside, I saw one of the roadrunners sitting on the nest they built near the toolshed. There'll be roadrunner babies pretty soon!

Cool. I like roadrunners.

Me, too. They're so primitive, like dinosaurs. Did you know they're related to woodpeckers?

No, I didn't know that. Wait, did you say that you have plants?

No, they're not my plants. I don't have any plants. I'm housesitting, remember?

Oh, right. So that's your big Saturday evening? Feeding the dog and mixing up some sugar water?

Yeah. Let's face it: I'm an oldster.

Yeah.

Oh, you know what was funny yesterday?

No, what?

A hummingbird peed on David.

What?

Yeah. We were sitting in the yard, eating dinner, and a hummingbird came and hovered over Dave and then it flew away and then Dave said, "It peed on me!" The little hummer peed on Dave's arm!

Hummers are tough birds, yo. They're territorial, like butterflies, and they're pretty aggressive for something that weighs, like, a few ounces. Don't look cross-eyed at a hummingbird or you'll get peed on!

So you'd better not let their feeder run dry.

No joke, huh?