This is what I look like just six days before my 13,860 day anniversary on this planet:
I look very skeptical in that photo. There I am, sans makeup, sans contact lenses, just after a visit to the dentist. Yes, today started with a visit to the dentist.
I like my dentist, but I hate going to the dentist. I had to get a filling in number 14, if that means anything to any of you. That took about an hour, including the time it took to numb so much of my face that I actually thought my nostrils weren't working and I had trouble swallowing a drink of water later. My jaw is still sore as hell.
After, in an attempt to prolong the torture, I went shopping. I don't like shopping generally, and I rarely bordering on never shop as entertainment. Today though I had a shopping agenda. Today I had to get some clothes to travel in.
See, my problem is that my everyday wardrobe is indistinguishable from that of a small-town lesbian. I generally wear either gym clothes or I wear men's cargo shorts with one of Dave's button down shirts. My shoe choices are limited to flip flops (if I'm going swimming), gym shoes, or my beat to hell Dr. Marten's boots.
This is how shopping went: I picked out three outfits, intending on buying the two that fit me best. This is what the saleswoman said as she lined up the outfits in the dressing room: "I see a trend here; all black." In general, I prefer to wear all black which makes shopping in the summer a challenge. In fact, here are my rules for buying new clothes or wearable things:
Black is best, then gray. Summer. Winter. Doesn't matter.
No patterns or writing or visible logos.
Long sleeves are best. Three-quarter length will work in a pinch. NO SHORT SLEEVES OR SLEEVELESS SHIRTS EVER. EVER. EVER.
Skirts very, very rarely. Very rarely.
Nothing that I feel would draw a comment about my appearance.
Earrings only. No necklaces, bracelets, or watches.
I also never buy anything that I feel even remotely iffy about. That means that the bootcut jeans that almost worked went back onto the rack. The peacock feather earrings that I loved but I knew I wouldn't ever wear went back onto the rack.
The most thought I want to put into my clothes is when I purchase it. After that, I want getting dressed to require the most absolute minimum thought possible. If I never had to think about clothes again, it would be a gift.
And yet, I do actually like fashion. My favorite designer is Isabel Toledo and if I ever get rich rich rich, everything that touches my body will have her mark on it. She's amazing.
Anyway, you're wondering what I ended up buying, aren't you? Well, I got a pair of skinny black jeans that hit me just below the knee and that have the coolest tiny little skull and crossbones rivets. I got a pair of yoga-pants like gaucho pants, perfect for airline travel. I got two a black shirt with three-quarter-length sleeves, each a different style. And that was it. Boom.
I still needed walking shoes though, so I drove across town to this hippie-dippy shoe shop that sells really comfortable shoes. I bought the most amazing pair of NAOTs from them years ago, but today I found nothing. I bought a pair of house sandals off the sale table for $30.
In the end, I decided to take my Docs with me instead of buying new shoes. They're ugly and beat up as hell, but they're comfortable and they've been around the world with me so it would be unfair of me to leave them at home.
Then to reward myself after a hard day of shopping, I went and got a pedicure with brick red polish.
That was my day.
No comments:
Post a Comment