Final Things

We started late this afternoon to pack away our Christmas things, taking the ornaments and lights off the tree. We had nine strands of lights to wind up from the tree and have yet to take down the outside lights. We got rid of the popcorn garland which I made last year (or was it the year before?) and the dried orange slices that Dave made the same year (because they oxidize and turn brown over time). I put the origami cranes that I made for the tree back in their shoe box until next year.

I did not make new cranes, but I did sew several new ornaments this year, Scrappy Santas mostly with green and red rick-rack. I also bought several new ornaments this year (going against Dave's desire to have all handmade ornaments on our tree). This year's purchases included a set of copper-hued glass ornaments and a slice of pizza ornament, also glass, from Williams-Sonoma, I bought a small glass hamster for my older brother and a glass llama for Dave. I bought a small ceramic sewing machine ornament for myself with the slogan "Life is short, buy the fabric" on it. In the after Christmas sales, I bought a steel horse and a steel dog (both silhouettes) for Dave's mother and Chance. I also bought three masked ornaments, two Santas and a snowman all in blue surgical masks (a nod to the pandemic that everyone mistakenly believes is over). 

This year I also added two more miniature trees (our tree total is now three miniature and one six-foot). 

The big tree will go back out to the garage and all the ornaments and such back into the closet and then that will be it for Christmas.

Christmas was fine, but the days after since my brother's death have been dark. Then this:

A viewing, the last time I'll ever see my older brother, four days ago. After, we came home and I went back to bed and stayed there until today. I don't think I ever will want to talk about the viewing and saying goodbye to my brother. It was hard and I made it through and I'm out of brothers now--both have died--so I won't ever have to do it again. 

We'll be able to bring his ashes home soon and there's a place on the mantel where they'll go for a time. 

We're still clearing out his apartment, of course, but have taken the days since the viewing off. We'll go back tomorrow. Movers will have to be hired for the big stuff, but we can continue packing and moving the smaller things and donating what we can. 

It's funny--depressing, I mean--how often grief seems to be able to push away everything but regret. There always seems to be space for regret.