We are wandering around Yanaka, and April is taking photos and Aaron is shooting video. I am wandering the graves, farther than I've wandered off the beaten path--or the main road--before. I'm able to do this because they're here. I realize this and pull out my diary and write, "I am reoriented by their presence--less lost somehow."
I mean by this that I inhabit an uncomfortable space here much of the time and having April and Aaron here makes that space more familiar somehow. Around them, I remember that I am American. I remember what it means to behave like an American. I am not a tourist in Tokyo, but I see when I am with tourists in Tokyo, that this is a well-defined space. I see that the Japanese have a category for American tourist. That makes things easier for everyone to deal with, the category. Because other people can't quite figure out what I am, how I am to be categorized, that makes things less easy for everyone to deal with...I am able to see that because I am standing next to April and Aaron.
And, too, they travel at will. That is, they want to go to Kyoto, they go to Kyoto. April gets on the internet, Aaron packs. They go. (As they did this morning.) Me? I worry. Partly it's because I'm alone and if there's trouble, what would I do? Partly it's because I'm not on vacation, I'm working, and this makes touring Japan less of a possibility.
Urgh.
Will write more later. Must sleep now!
My love to all.
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