Rene & Sergei

Appaloosa

Well, The Brain had its way in the end, which means that we ended up netflixing Appaloosa. If you haven't seen the movie, you know it stars my new boyfriend, Viggo Mortensen, and a couple of nobodies (Ed Harris and Rene Zellweger).

Viggo Mortensen is a joy, of course. He's quite talented and even this film couldn't wreck that. There are a couple of scenes where he really shines, but sadly he's mostly in the background.

Ed Harris? Well, I've never really cared one way or another about Ed Harris. I do blame him for what doesn't work in the film (the story, for example, and the editing and most of the casting, and...well, most of the film, really) because he co-wrote the screenplay and directed the film.

Rene Zellweger? Oh. My. God. What in the holy hell is going on with her face? I happen to think Rene Zellweger is quite cute--or was, in her slightly chubby Bridget Jones days. But now? She looks like she got talked into one too many procedures by her plastic surgeon. First, she's been Botox'd into a Nicole Kidman-style ice queen. Poor Rene's face does not move a bit. Second, you remember how Lisa Rinna got that horrible procedure with Juvederm that made her face all weird and puffy? Well, looks like Rene got that done and loved it so much that she went back for seconds. It's a little bit disturbing. It makes her entrance scene, where she shows up on the train in the town and is supposed to be this great beauty who all the men fall for, seem almost comical. The first time you see her onscreen, you're not looking at her and thinking, uh-oh, these guys are in trouble when that kind of beauty shows up. You're looking at her and thinking, what is wrong with Rene's face? Is she ill?

Girlfriend needs to fire her plastic surgeon. Stat.

Sticky

Today Dave and I had lunch with Sergei, the pastry-addicted Belarusian. Sergei is one of those guys that a lot of people think are shy when in fact he's mostly just quiet. He's quiet with a little bit of shy, actually. We probably would have once called that reserved. (I've known actual shy people. True they're also generally quiet, but not always.)

Sergei interests me in part because I wonder how one gets from Belarus to my little town. I don't mean, like, by plane, by bus, layover in New York, and like that. I mean I'm curious about how some guy sitting in Belarus decide that, gee, I think I'll go and live in a moderately-sized Southwestern American city. Who thinks like that, right? So I, being neither shy nor quiet, immediately began to pelt poor Sergei with questions. (After asking his permission, of course--though I found that like many quiet people, he sort of naturally deflects personal questions, so it was a bit of a dental procedure to get him to open up.) Here is some of what I found out:

Sergei is an only child and his parents are retired. Neither of his parents speak English and neither did Sergei when he first came to America. He came here as an employee of a Russian company (so he didn't need to be able to speak English) and he settled in Denver, Colorado, and bought a house (that he sold just before the bottom dropped out of the housing market). As a contract employee, he worked in Colorado, Arizona, Minnesota, and New Mexico. He hasn't traveled much around the US besides that, and he's never been outside the US in the nine years he's been here. (I tried to convince him that he could probably slip across the border into Mexico but he wasn't convinced.) Let's see, what else? His first car was a Lexus. He likes guns, which are illegal to own in Belarus, so he didn't own a gun until he came to the US and now he has a...I forget. Not a Glock. Maybe a Ruger? I forget. He was very amused at my story about my mother getting a new semi-automatic something (9 mm?) for Christmas. (Can you tell that I take a very "Don't know, don't care" attitude towards guns?)

His visa woes continue, despite some recent good news. He's very nervous that he may have to return to Belarus when his passport expires this year. He's not eager to do that.

We talked a bit about my new computer. I explained that I had dropped my old one and now it's sitting in pieces on Dave's desk at work. I told him that Dave has a bad habit of collecting old computer equipment. (He actually doesn't collect old equipment, he just never gets rid of the bits and pieces of his own old computers. Seriously. Our storage unit, closet, and kitchen table (!) are all home to various computer components.) I asked Sergei if he did the same thing and he claims that he has a single computer. He did admit to being awfully hard on keyboards. I mimed picking up and smashing a keyboard on the table. No, he said, things get spilled on them, like coffee or beer or other sticky stuff. I held a hand up at that. No, I don't want to know, Sergei, what kind of sticky stuff ends up on your keyboard.