My Job

I had to have a very stern talk with my niece yesterday about her chemistry homework.

Let me explain: My niece is taking a basic chemistry class. I've been telling her for weeks that she can ask me any questions about it, and she always said, "Thank you, auntie, I will if I need to," but she hasn't come to me for help. Night before last, she told me that her exam was coming up and she asked if I could help her with some of the stuff she had questions about. Fine. Sure. No problem. We met last night (which happened to be the night before the test) and I asked her what she needed help with and she showed me and we started to work on that.

As we worked through the problems (mostly very, very basic conversions and such), it became clear that she had no idea what she was doing. At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because some people are just not very good at that kind of math, but as time went on it became clear to me that she was not good at it because she hadn't spent a single minute practicing it. As we worked through problem after problem, I could tell that she was lost anew each time because she just hadn't cracked her book. After about an hour of working conversion problems, Dave innocently asked her if she was going to be up all night cramming for the test (a time-honored solution--often utilized by yours truly--to the dilemma posed by homework and exams). She said very innocently that she wasn't going to cram because that didn't work for her.

And that innocent little statement put me over the top.

When she said that, well, that was when The Brain took control of The Mouth and started in on her, because, gee, if DOING YOUR HOMEWORK doesn't work for you and CRAMMING doesn't work for you, then maybe YOU NEED TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WORKS FOR YOU. The Brain very pointedly pointed out to her that it was very, very clear--abundantly clear--that the reason she was having a hard time with the math was because she had done absolutely none of her homework, not a single problem, and, when she tried to interrupt me and explain that the problems took so long to work, The Brain was nearly apoplectic. BUT, The Brain pointed out to her, in the last couple of weeks, you've watched hours and hours of television, haven't you, and you've gone out with your friends, haven't you, but you HAVE NOT DONE A SINGLE HOMEWORK PROBLEM. NOT ONE. HAVE YOU. Which is why you are going to fail this exam. Not because the problems are difficult, but because you AREN'T DOING YOUR HOMEWORK.

My niece wants to go to nursing school so chemistry is a requirement, and The Brain very pointedly pointed out to her that this class, this BASIC chemistry class is just that--A BASIC CLASS. It's not going to get easier, The Brain informed her. If you can't do this--and right now you CAN'T, not because you aren't capable, but because YOU AREN'T TRYING--you WON'T MOVE FORWARD.

After I calmed down a bit, I made her drag out her blank homework sheets and work every single problem. There weren't that many, but she had to work through each one and show me the set up and the answer.

See--

Ugh.

See, my niece--

Ugh. UGH.

There were a couple of things going on here:

See, my niece knows (because I've told her endlessly) that I am available to help her with her chemistry and biology and math and English homework. She chose not take advantage of that help until the very last minute. She knows (because I've taken her around to meet them) that tutors are available at school to help her with her chemistry and biology and math and English homework. She chose not to take advantage of that help at all. Instead, she waited until the night before the test to call me and ask if I could just one-two-three teach her how to do the math she needs to pass the exam. I gave up my night at the gym to help her, but the slow burn started as I realized that she hadn't put a bit of effort, not the least bit of effort, into it beforehand. That pissed me off.

The other thing that pissed me off was that, once caught, she tried to offer the excuse that she hadn't worked the problems because the problems took too long to work, and I was, like, excuse me, but HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY TRIED TO WORK THEM. It was like a little kid who lies right to your face when you catch them doing something wrong. And having someone--anyone--lie to me makes me livid. When kids do it, I can give them a pass. They're kids, they don't like being punished, so they lie. But adults? Adults need to learn to take their medicine and not lie to avoid punishment. My niece is definitely not a kid. Yes, she's only nineteen, but as far as I'm concerned, she's an adult. And when adults try to make excuses that slide into lies? No. That is not allowed on my watch.

So I yelled and we worked the problems and then I calmed down and I told her I was sorry for yelling. Because I was. And I set up a time to meet with her after each and every one of her chemistry lectures to go over the lecture and do her homework.

I'm not a monster; I'm an aunt. It's my job.