Art Saves

 Sunday morning:

It's almost 7:00 a.m. I've been up since around 11:30; today is the day I flip my week from days to nights, so I'll try to sleep all day to get up and work tonight.

I did some cooking last night, prepping for the next couple of work nights. Then I dropped one of my prepped dinners on the floor as I was putting it in the fridge, so I just stopped. I cleaned up, but I did not prep another dinner for myself. I'll figure something out. Dave's dinners are prepped, too, mostly. 

I also did some sewing last night. After I finished the Covid quilt, I started on the next. All the blocks are done, I'm in the process of quilting them. This will be the first quilt I free-motion quilt. The others have all been done on my machine at home, but not free-motion, a distinction that will matter to no one who reads this blog, really.

Monday morning:

I've been at work since 7:00 last night. I'm tired, as always. And my allergies are acting up, which makes everything worse. 

I feel that long, low slide into fall. It's depressing. I try to hang on. What would I tell my patients? I would assess them for suicidal feelings, for their level of anxiety and depression. (I'm not feeling suicidal and my anxiety level varies, but my depression level is a low-grade constant right now. I'm pushing against it the way I know how to, by being creative, by making things and the making of things pulls me through. It always has. I trust that it always will.)

It's just after 5:00 in the morning. It's been busy but I am finally caught up so I have a moment to take a break and write this. Have a snack, maybe some vegetables. I really want potato chips or a candy bar. 

I have another two hours of my shift and then I go home and get some sleep. Come back and do it all again tonight. It reminds me of a quote--often attributed (with no evidence to back it up) to Checkov--that I read years ago: "Any idiot can face a crisis. It's this day to day living that wears you down." 

I thought a job with suicidal or homicidal adolescences would be enough of a crisis to offset the day to day grind, but it's not turning out to be that way.