Things

The pain and anxiety from day before yesterday has subsided somewhat--not 100% gone, but it's not as intense as it was. I still feel a bit under the gun today, which I attribute in part to menopausal hormone fluctuations.

I'm back to not sleeping well, but when I do sleep, I have intense dreams. For a long time during perimenopause, my dreams went away. I did not dream at all for several years and then a little more than three years ago, they came back. They were more intense just before and during my period, then they would go away again until the next time. 

I think we are just at the beginning of understanding how hormonal shifts in perimenopause and menopause affect us, not just our bodies but our brains. This is one of the worst things about leaving men in charge of medicine; women have gotten the short shrift when it comes to things that don't affect men, like menopause or pregnancy or anything gynecological really--and even when it comes to things that do affect men, like heart disease or even simply medication dosing, those are all based on men's bodies and men's reactions and symptoms, which can be markedly different in women. It's amazing that we outlive men (which is believed to be in part because women form more frequent and lasting interpersonal relationships than men do). 

I don't know what set me off on that tangent. (Is it really a tangent, though?)

So I'm up throughout the night, sleeping at odd hours, dreaming. Things hurt when I'm up and about, a kind of constant, low-level din of pain. My allergic reactions to things become more pronounced. I feel more emotional and shorter tempered, more impatient. Hormones? Getting older? Misanthropy? All of the above?