Reaching for Gratitude

Wednesday I went to see the nurse practitioner because whatever I coughed up into my sinuses was causing pressure to build up behind my cheek and eye. She didn't have much more to offer than what I had already tried--nasal rinses (yuck), breathing in steam, Benadryl--but she did suggest a nasal steroid and we talked about how the bacteria in the mouth and nose are pretty well-mixed, so that would reduce the chance of getting an infection. So that was reassuring. I assume, since the pain and pressure subsided, that whatever was up there worked its way out. We'll see.

Thursday I was meant to go out and run errands in the early part of the day, but I wasn't feeling well. I felt feverish and dizzy. I thought it might be a return of my vertigo or something to do with my recent sinus stuff. Anyway, I stayed in bed and slept. I felt feverish and not quite right, though nothing I could put my finger on. I finally got up around 2 p.m. or so and did some stuff. Dave and I ended up going out to dinner (ramen) and then going to Target and to the co-op. By the time we got home, I again felt awful, hot and feverish (both of our crappy thermometers said I wasn't running a fever, despite a red, flushed face and overheated feeling), so after we had put everything away, I got back into my pajamas and back into bed.

I slept for a few hours, waking up around 1:00 a.m. and have been unable to get back to sleep. My brain has been going crazy with anxiety and health-related concerns. I am just overwhelmed at the moment. Part of it is hormonal, I'm sure. Part of it is the storms going across the city (changing atmospheric pressure always makes me feel terrible). Part of it is not seeing the sun for days at a time while I'm holed up inside. And today, it's supposed to be cloudy all day. Winter is not my favorite season, in case you were wondering.

While I couldn't sleep, I binge watched a horrible show on Netflix called "House Doctor" or something like that. It's an American interior designer staging houses in various places in the U.K. These were houses that had been on the market, some of them for years, but were just not selling. The series aired originally in the late '90s/early 00s, and it is legit terrible. But I still like looking in people's messy houses, so I skipped around something like ten episodes. (I always skip the predictable parts--the OTT American designer (bright ugly clothes, grinning with all her teeth showing like a shark, hair bleached within an inch of its life) again and again declaring herself to be The Brash American who was going to "tell it like it is!" and the overly polite Brits expressing confusion as to why their messy, ugly, outdated houses were not selling. Instead, I just like to look at the before and after shots.)

Around 4 a.m., I got up and had a snack (some cheese and an apple).

Around 6 a.m., I got up and made coffee. Dave got up for work soon after.

And that's been my night/morning.

It's that time of year when I have to grasp for things to be grateful for. Today I'm grateful for Dave and Gray Kitty, of course. I'm grateful to have a warm, safe home. I'm grateful for the internet and the craziness it brings right into my home. I'm grateful for the slight drizzle of rain we got this morning. I'm grateful for caffeine-free Diet Pepsi. I'm grateful for sleep. I'm grateful for decades-old interior design shows that let me see into the lives of people I'll never meet.

I hope every one of their houses sold and that they were able to buy even bigger and better houses to fill with their ugly crap!