Stuck

 I sounded very despondent in my last blog entry, I think. It's not as bad as all that right now. I just feel very--ugh. I'm tired and worried and my neck hurts.

I called today and started the process of signing up for physical therapy and I made an appointment with my PCP, who can see me next month. I mean, why not? 

I slept on and off throughout the day. I'm fatigued and my allergies aren't helping things. I'm tired of worrying about and complaining about my health.

I read some Shirley Jackson in the afternoon. I watched a few episodes of Travel Man on Amazon Prime. I want to travel again.

I had meatloaf for dinner (Dave had a Quorn and kimchee sandwich) and we shared a baked sweet potato.

After I took a shower, the first I've had since I came home from the UC/ER on Saturday morning. My hair is unruly and I want to cut it all off and dye it green.

I played in my art journal for awhile.

I am not doing what I need to be doing right now. I'm stuck. I'm worried about going back to work, so I'm procrastinating on finding a job. I don't want to be in contact with people at all right now, given the level of stupidity and the Covid variants that are coming. I don't want to be caught up in that when it turns out the vaccines are not as strong against all the variants. None of this is great for my mental health. Like  a lot of people, I'm tired.

Unless he is outside or in the litter box, the cat has taken up permanent residence in the one-foot radius around me for some reason. Normally he's stuck to David, but recently he's been stuck to me.

I'm trying to stay away from the news. I am glad to see certain politicians dancing on the end the rope, caught up in heinous acts against children. It's about time someone was punished for it. I've worked with some of the child victims of those men; those children are never the same after. Someone on reddit posted a list of republican lawmakers and elected officials who have been caught and/or convicted of child sex trafficking, child rape, incest. The reddit list is long, very long. It includes citations (which I've omitted below):

trump, accused by 27 different women of sexual assault including raping a 13-year-old girl

Ralph Shortey, one of trump's campaign managers, pled guilty to child sex trafficking and possession of child pornography

Dennis Hastert, republican speaker of the house, sentenced to prison for molesting four boys as young as 14 years old

Mark Foley, anti-gay republican congressman, caught sexually harassing 16-year-old boys while in charge of the congressional caucus that dealt with exploited children

Jim Knoblach, republican state rep, accused by his daughter of molestation that went on for more than ten years

Howard Scott Heldreth, republican anti-abortion activist, convicted of child rape

David Swartz, republican county commissioner, pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11-years old

Mark Pazuhanich, republican judge, pleaded no contest to molesting a 10-year-old girl

Edison Aldarondo, republican lawmaker, sentenced to 10 years for raping his daughter from the time she was 9 years old until she was 17

Philip Giordano, republican mayor, serving a 37 year prison sentence for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year-old girls

Tom Shortridge, republican campaign consultant, sentenced for taking nude photos of a 15-year-old girl

Strom Thurmond, racist republican senator, raping and impregnating a 15-year-old Black girl

Mike Hintz, republican pastor, surrendered to police after a "sexual affair" with a juvenile female

Peter Dibble, republican legislator, pleaded no contest to an "inappropriate relationship" with a 13-year-old girl

Donald Lukens, republican congressman, found guilty of child rape

Richard Delgaudio, republican fundraiser, found guilty of possession of child pornography and paying teenagers to pose for sexual photos

Mark Grethen, republican activist, convicted of six counts of sex crimes involving children

Randal David Ankeney, republican activist, pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault of a child

Dan Crane, republican congressman, admitted to sex with a minor female who worked as a congressional page

Beverly Russell, republican activist and Christian Coalition leader, admitted to incest with his step daughter

Robert Bauman, anti-gay republican congressman, charged with rape of a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar

Jeffrey Patti, republican committee chairman, arrested for distributing a video of a 5-year-old girl being raped

Marty Glickman, republican activist, charged with four counts of "sexual activity" with a female minor

Howard L. Brooks, republican legislative aide, charged with possession of child pornography and molesting a 12-year-old boy

John Hathaway, republican senate candidate, accused of raping a 12-year-old girl

Stephen White, republican preacher, convicted of attempting to pay a 14-year-old boy for oral sex

John Matthews, republican talk show host, pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11-year-old girl

Paul Ingram, republican party leader, pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters

Andrew Buhr, republican politician, charged with first degree sodomy of a 13-year-old boy

Keith Westmoreland, republican politician, committed suicide while facing seven felony counts of exposing himself to girls under the age of 16

John Allen Burt, republican anti-abortion activist, charged with "sexual misconduct" involving a 15-year-old girl

Keola Childs, republican councilman, pleaded guilty to molesting a young boy

John Butler, republican activist, charged with criminal sexual assault of a teenaged girl

Richard Gardener, republican candidate, ruled ineligible to run after admitting to molesting his two daughters

Merrill Robert Barter, republican country commissionaer, pleaded guilty to sexual assault of a teenaged boy

Fred Smeltzer, Jr., republican activist, pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography

Larry Jack Schwarz, republican state representative, found in possession of child pornography

Robin Vanderwall, republican strategist, convicted of soliciting sex from boys and girls

Mark Harris, republican city councilman, convicted of raping an 11-year-old girl

John Grunseth, republican candidate for governor, accused of exposing himself to girls including his daughter

Nicholas Elizondo, republican activist, convicted of molesting his 6-year-old daughter

Richerd A Dasen Sr., republican businessman, charged with rape of a 15-year-old girl, admitted to paying more than $1 million dollars for sex with children

And Matt Gaetz, of course.

And these are just the ones that made the papers, were caught and convicted, or admitted to their crimes. Imagine what is still going on.

Do you wonder where many of the missing children that trump separated from their families at the border ended up? I don't. They were likely "gifts" to his pedophile friends. It sounds incredible, but I worked with so many children who were prostituted out by their parents and passed around to be raped by pedophiles. I used to know a police detective who worked a case where a 9-year-old girl was killed by a man her mother had prostituted her out to. (The mother used her child to make money to buy drugs.) The detective told me, "For every case that makes the papers, there's ten you never hear about." I know now that this is true.

I read that list above and felt angry and depressed. republican men hide their horrific behavior behind the banner of Family Values the way that pedophile priests hide behind the false piety Catholic church. And still people support them, a slap in the face to children and incest and rape victims.