No Amnesty

I'm stressed and scared right now. I'm sick to my stomach reading about the rise in Covid cases in the U.S. and about how republican lawmakers keep thwarting efforts to contain it. There is no end in sight to the danger of this thing and news reports are that the trump administration officials want Americans to just "become numb" to the number of people getting sick and dying. That's how sociopaths think. As long as it's not them, they don't care. If it's you and yours, then that's an acceptable loss to them. That's how trump and his minions think. That's what they think about you.

There was a serial killer years ago who, after speaking to the parents of one of the young women that he killed, asked, "There are so many people in the world so why do they even care about that one?" That's the mind of a sociopath. Why would you even care that it's your daughter, your grandfather, your friend, your husband or wife? There are so many other people in the world. What does killing 100,000 of them matter? What does maiming a few million of them matter? This how sociopaths think. This is how trump thinks.

And make no mistake: You might get this virus and "recover." But what they're finding out now about "recovering" from this virus is that it's leaving people with long-term disabilities, lung and heart problems, blood clotting problems, kidney failure, mental disabilities. The list goes on and on. It's not the common cold or even the flu, where you're miserable for a time and then recover completely if you do recover. You are most likely going to be left with long-term debilitating consequences if you get Covid and "recover."

And the number of stupid people who don't know that...I guess everyone who voted for trump because "Killary" trended on FaceBook. I used to despise those stupid people--still do--but I also fear them and I pity them. They vote for their own destruction--vote for people who want to take away their healthcare, gut social programs that would benefit them if they become sick or unemployed, steal taxes, steal elections--and they do it because they're too stupid to know any better. Any person you encounter who refuses to wear a mask is that stupid. These are the people in charge now. trump is their leader and they love it. They're willing to die for him and they don't care if they take you along with them.

I'm afraid for this country right now. I'm afraid that trump will steal the next election and that we'll get four more years of this. I can't take four more years of this. After the next election, anyone who admits that they voted for trump, voted republican, is out of my life completely. Completely. No amnesty.

Gratitude

I need to find things to be grateful for, right now, before this becomes overwhelming.

I am grateful for the tiny spiders that inhabit my existence. One bright, lime green crab spider spun away on its web, anchored from one of the sunflowers outside. One minute spider hitched a ride on my finger to one of our indoor plants. One little spider needed a lift out of the shower. Those are the three spiders I've encountered just this morning. I love spiders.

I'm grateful that I have a safe home. I grew up in a not safe home and every day I am grateful that I have a home and live among people with whom I feel safe.

I am grateful for my therapist. After nearly thirty years of make-do therapists, I actually have a really wonderful therapist. She is a Jungian in her 70s and I just need her to hang on for another thirty years or so. That's all I ask. I'm grateful to have found her and I'm grateful that I can afford to see her.